It's A Dog Eat Dog World

It's bad enough that I decided to have two children with J-Fed. Did I have to make matters worse by having two dogs with him?

Unlike children, dogs don't possess the ability to whine or cry for food and water when they're hungry and thirsty. Our two canines simply kick their water bowl and food dishes around the kitchen until someone stops what they're doing and addresses their silent pleas. Said person is usually myself, my mother or our neighbor. Even our 5-year-old daughter is in touch with the fact that the dogs need to eat and drink on a daily basis.

But not J-Fed.

The sad reality is that if they were in his sole custody, they'd likely wither up and die like the chia-pet J-Fed attempted to raise when we first started dating.

After years of watching him stick his head in the sand like an ostrich, I finally took the liberty of calling him on his pet ownership skills, or lack thereof.

"When you look at the empty dog dishes and water bowl, does it ever occur to you to feed and water the dogs?" I asked him.

"No, I just figure you'll take care of it," he said matter-of-factly.

"And what in God's name would make you think that?" I asked increduously.

"It's just the way I'm programmed," he responded.

"I see. Well, perhaps you need to be reprogrammed before I have a divorce lawyer do it for you," I sneered.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," J-Fed laughed as he climbed in his truck, lit a cigarette and took a giant gulp of a Frap.

As he pulled away, I silently prayed that J-Fed would be reincarnated as a dog in his next life, the kind that belonged to a man just like himself.

Unhappily Ever After,

Kiki